We hold on so damn tightly.
Like baby holding onto a cats tail tight.
We hold tightly to things that no longer make us feel like the badass ninja that we are.
We hold on to ideas, relationships, plans, stories, and habits that stress us out, keep us stuck and make us feel like giant bags of garbage.
I hate feeling like a garbage bag. Don't you?
Ok, so you want to be a rebel. Correction you are a rebel. You want to put your rebellious thoughts into action.
Which as a sidenote, is a completely different thing than just holding on to thoughts and never breathing life into them.
So what are you holding on to with your white-knuckled ninja grip that is keeping you from swimming in a pool of your general badassery and reaping the emotional, physical, and spiritual rewards from just being your true self?
Let's dissect this... one-by-one.
1. Stories - Did you leave your fucking mind on repeat again?
Stories are a big part of the mental narrative we have going on in the back of our minds on a regular basis. What stories are you telling yourself right now that are keeping you stuck? Are the even yours?
For example, I had the story in my mind on repeat that sounded something like this...
"no one wants to hear what you have to say. What you have to say is stupid, insignificant, and too much."
A story I that had become so deeply ingrained into my psyche that it became the compass at which I navigated my daily activities. I would walk up to a group of people having a conversation and remain utterly silent. Laced with fear that I would blurt out the wrong thing and everyone would see just how truly flawed I was.
Was this bullshit story mine? Fuck no! So why the flying fuck was I carrying it around with me everywhere I went?
If you feel stuck or like you're not enough. Like you just can't seem to move to the next level, then it's a great time to ask yourself...
"What stories am I telling myself that are keeping me here? Where did they come from? Are they even my own? And are they true?"
Chances are, they're not yours. So throw them the fuck out.
Send love and compassion to the person or situation that may have been the root of that sticky story, and move on.
2. Relationships - Is it time to loosen your grip?
I'm no expert when it comes to relationships. For that you can listen to my episode with Kavita J Patel, but this is what I've figured out so far...
Relationships can be the biggest opening for growth if we let them.
Our relationships are mirrors. Mirrors to things we don't like about ourselves. Mirrors to unhealthy past relationships we didn't fully learn our lesson from. Mirrors of our parent's relationship (or at least our perception of it).
So take a good look at the people you spend most of your time with. Are these healthy relationships? If not, is there something to learn from this? Something I need to face?
Or is it simply time to let go and trust that I can walk on my own two feet. All by my big-girl-pants-self.
Often times we hold on to people because we fear not being able to go it alone. We fear that we're not smart enough, strong enough, attractive enough, capable... you get it. Just not enough.
You are enough. And you can handle it.
This is not to say you shouldn't ask for help and lean on your relationships and community when the time calls for it.
But if you're holding on to someone with a grip that would impress the rockiest of rock climbers, then let go. Feel what it's like to stand on your own two, very capable, feet. That way, when you do meet up again, you can hold up your side of the table.
3. Habits - I know... this word makes me sprout gray hairs too.
Habits can either destroy us or catapult us into such greatness that we dissolve into the next realm and forgot that we even had a body in the first place.
If you feel stuck, maybe you have some habits that are no longer your friend. Maybe it's time to let them go.
Take a habit inventory. What do you do on a daily basis that (even in a very small way) could be hindering your growth?
Do you always skip breakfast? Do you not have a morning routine? Do sit down for obscene amounts of time every day?
Make a list of all the habits that no longer serve you. Then make a decision to let ONE of them go. Don't worry about the rest. Let one go, and replace it with an extremely easy, but healthy replacement.
That's it, that's all.
Your brain is going to want to dive in and replace them all with the swiftness of... something really swift... but ignore that. Just pick one. And do it.
4. Who you think you should be.
This one kind of falls along the lines of the first one (stories). But I wanted to accentuate this point. And I can because this is my blog ergo I can do what I want. Ahhh and it feels so good...
Who do you think you should be? Who have you thought you should have been by now? Or who do others (society, family, friends) think you should be?
Are you living up to those old stories? Are you living up to the person you thought you should be?
Because life is not some linear plan that we strictly adhere to. In case you missed it, life is a messy, all over the place, disruption, interruption, course changing, pivoting extravaganza. And you have a front row seat to yours. Cool right?!
First, we have to respect what life is and not try to change it.
Then, we have to accept that fact that our life is probably not going to plan, and probably never will. We have trust the fact that who we are and where we're going is exactly where we need to be.
We need to celebrate who we're becoming. Because the moment we stop and show gratitude for who we are NOW is the moment life takes a deep breath and says... "Finally! You appreciate all my hard work. Now sit down, tune in, and enjoy the ride amigo!"
Let go of who the world (you included) thinks you should be, and just be. Appreciate everything that you are now, and get excited for everything that you will be.
So cheers to you letting go. Cheers to you releasing what no longer serves you. And Cheers to the bravery you most certainly have within you to do it.